Mar
Thu
18
Each day the sun sets
And the moon rise
Send us to bed
Dream gifts from our eyelids
the moon goes away
the sun comes out to play
Maybe I'll be happy
Come the next autumn day
Each day the sun sets
And the moon rise[s]
Send[s] us to bed
[Where] dream gifts come
from [beneath] our eyelids
the moon goes away
the sun comes out to play
Maybe I'll be happy
Come the next autumn day
To be literal, dreams come from our brain, but are rarely accessible except when we sleep; there are waking dreams.
The words are words or letters that I added.
This is significantly different than your previous version in this line:
Dream gifts from [beneath] our eyelids
Be consistent with your punctuation and grammar. A capitalized letter is not needed on each line; that was a poet's devise in the dark to a little lighter ages so that people would know if the document was a poem or a law handed down. Very few people could read, but the recognized the capital letters. What this gives poets now is the freedom to write in lower and caps. To write in a sentence structure, and when the poetic end of the sentence is reached, put a period and start the next part with a capital. Be free. Let your poetry flow freely.
It makes a difference, because it now is too long, when beneath is added, and doesn't make sense without it.
Hope this helped
:]
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